Friendship Is The Ultimate Goal

– By Dr Nav Ropra.

Friendship comes from being friendly.  It is a by product of friendliness.  It is not anything which requires hard work or extra effort.  Friendship requires you to drop the effort as as friendliness is in line with your deepest and authentic nature.  It’s a quality that others look for in themselves as you naturally draw in people who want to get to know you better.  Your energy is open and flowing and you are less judgemental or opinionated.

When we are not being friendly, our ideas and opinions become fixed and it often becomes difficult to communicate with others or have a dialogue.  We may become overwhelmed and preoccupied with ourselves or with what others think about us.

We tend to repell people as we are seen as closed off and not forthcoming in our conversations, energy, time or nature.  Even though we may try and hide how we are feeling, others will give you feedback if you wind them up or make them annoyed by your unfriendly approach to things.

You can choose to ignore the feedback, however, if a lot of people are constantly saying the same thing about you over a long period of time, there may be an element of truth in the matter.  It may be that you are overlooking your own behavioural blind spot or trying to cover up your own private pain.

‘When we are not being friendly, our ideas and opinions become fixed and it often becomes difficult to communicate with others or have a dialogue.’ 

As dentistry is an occupation that requires us to deal with people, being unfriendly will have its disadvantages.  Staff will see you as a tyrant or demanding, patients will see you as arrogant or uncaring and your loved ones will become concerned ad they will be the people who you off load the brunt of your pent up frustrations upon.

‘You are loveable just the way you are, irrespective of your behaviour.’ 

This is a very meaningful statement as it acknowledges your authentic nature as well as your behaviour.  It drops all masks and allows the space for you to be accepted whilst at the same time giving you the feedback that you need to change.  It is only in that very deep acceptance that change can occur – hence the paradox.

Practice life can be very demanding.  We are constantly looking at detailed things and making decisions on a millimetre by millimetre basis.  When you work to such high detail, 8 hours per day, 5 days per week, year upon year using the same body postures, it’s possible that you can loose sight of how critical you can become about even the simplest of things.  The slightest thing which is not in your control can ruin your day and cause you to be unfriendly even though you may not want to appear that way.  This in turn can affect how you manage your patients, and how others relate to you.

‘It is only in that very deep acceptance that change can occur – hence the paradox.’

When I adopted the position of friendship in my practice as a rule, did it mean that I lost my ability to manage or lead a team?  No!  Quiet the contrary.  My ability to both praise and reprimand my staff was magnified.  I started to see past the behaviours of patients or staff, and focused on accepting them as loveable human beings irrespective of their behaviour.  I was only then able to provide the quality of dental care that my own high standards demanded and practicing life then became much more easier and enjoyable.

‘My ability to both praise and reprimand my staff was magnified.’

If you start to take this approach into your practice life, then the consequences may be that you will be liked more, have more friends, your health may improve, your relationships may deepen, your practice may start to grow and you may make more profit!

By taking on the attitude of friendliness with others, you will get to the ultimate goal of friendship which is to become friends with yourself.